What if I’m not Brave Enough?

I’m always so inspired by people who chase after their dreams no matter what. They quit their jobs, drop everything, and go. Just go.

I admire them so much because I don’t know if I could ever do it.

I’ve never been a particularly brave person. As a child, I was skittish and timid of trying new things and getting outside my comfort zone. Now that I’m an adult, I wish I’d been more fearless.

Creative pursuits—or really anything that you put a lot of care and attention to—require a certain amount of bravery. There’s so much vulnerability involved in creating something and putting it out there for people to see and potentially judge. Being vulnerable takes a lot of bravery.

I don’t think I’m very good at the whole vulnerability thing. Or I make up for it by being extra judgemental and hard on myself before anyone else has a chance. When I create something I love—something that came from my soul—even if someone says it’s good, I wonder if it is good enough. 

It’s my dream to make a living as an author. That involves people actually spending their money on something I created. And I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to that point.

I follow Swedish artist/blogger/musician/etc. Jonna Jinton, and at 21 she left her life in the city to move to the north and follow her creative dreams. She paints, makes music, photographs, and is generally a wonderfully creative human being. And I want to do what she does!

But I don’t know how if I could muster up the bravery to take the leap into the unknown (cue Frozen 2 song).

How can I justify quitting my job and leaving the security of my home if I don’t know if anything I actually make would support me? If money wasn’t an issue, then there would be no problem. But money is THE issue. Who is going to pay me to be creative? Who is going to like my art/writing so much that they’re willing to give me money for it?

Am I overthinking it? Maybe. Probably.

Of course, these feelings of doubt and inadequacy are coming up as I’m in the process of querying my novel. I’m facing much more rejection than I’ve ever had in my life. Being a writer means having a thick skin and I’m realizing that maybe mine isn’t as thick as I thought.

I don’t want to give up, though. I love writing (and painting and baking and all my other creative hobbies), so I’m not going to quit anytime soon. I just wish the universe would send me a sign that I’m on the right path.

While I’m waiting for my sign, I hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

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